Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
