I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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