lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
