You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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