Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
