so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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