My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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