I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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