Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
