babies were throwing up all over the place
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I supernannyed him into submission
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
