my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
