My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
