I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
