remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
