Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
