hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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