Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
