At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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