Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have post one night stand depression
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
