Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
