Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
