no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just gift wrapped bread.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
