A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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