what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
