Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
