Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
