It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
