after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize