She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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