There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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