my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Be still, my beating vagina.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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