her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
