shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
