where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
