I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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