my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
