No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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