we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
