I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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