just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
