Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
