Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
