They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
