Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
