so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
