theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
