my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
