Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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