Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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