I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
