you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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