will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
