Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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