He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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